Noelle – Page 2 – Grace, Grit & Coffee

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Posted on July 31, 2021July 31, 2021

## Pandemic Life: Two Things that Kept Me Sane this Year

No better way to start my morning

I have not blogged in months. Its been a crappy year. Can I say that? I think God can handle me saying that so I’ll just leave it there. Homeschooling kids through a pandemic, working 2 jobs and watching my sister battle cancer has been almost more then I can bare. I say that and immediately I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself because- my sister is having to battle cancer and do all the things. I don’t get to feel sorry for myself. At least this is the battle that wages in me every-other day. What has kept me sane this year?

1. Gods Word

“His word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path” (Psalm 119:105)

“All scripture is God-breathed and is USEFUL for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that the servant of God may be THOROUGHLY equipped for EVERY good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16,17

“The name of the Lord is a strong fortress; the godly run to Him and are SAFE.” Proverbs 18:10

2. Self Care

Baths, coffee, gym and books. These things help me breath.

This year is the first year I believe I have given a book a 5 star review and I believe I gave 3 books a 5 star review! I can be very critical and I reserve those 5 stars for books that just completely blow me away. The 3 books I gave 5 stars to are: The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa Terkeurst, and Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus by Nabeel Qureshi.

I did read a few books that I gave 4 stars too: What are the Odds? From Crack Addict to CEO by Mike Lindell, The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson, Becoming Mrs. Lewis by Patti Callahan, and The Things We Cannot Say by Kelly Rimmer. All great reads. Mostly absurdly inspirational.

I’d love to hear from you. What has kept you sane this year? All comments ON this post will be entered into a $5 Starbucks gift card drawing- in honor of Pandemic- SELF CARE!

Posted on February 6, 2021February 6, 2021

## Homeschool Trial’s and Triumphs

Its no secret that homeschool had been a huge struggle here at the Vernoy home. This was not my plan. I never EVER considered homeschooling. Then COVID hit and I felt backed into a corner. I really felt like my only viable option this year was to homeschool. I could go through a list of WHY we decided to choose this route but I think I’ll save that post for another day. Today I want to share some our failures and some of our successes. There have been several positives that have come from homeschooling. There has also been some pretty big hurdles for us. Lets start with the negative- get those out of the way. In the beginning of the year the big hurdle was accepting that “MOM is in fact our TEACHER”. It took about a month for this to settle in. Once we got into a routine the kids became more accepting of the homeschool program. If you asked them today if they want to continue to be homeschooled next year they would say emphatically YES. They have come to love all the flexibility that comes with learning at home. Another great aspect that I have noticed is- our kids get a long. They used to fight ALL the time. That has actually lessened quite a bit. They have become each others best buddy. This has made my heart leap. I love seeing them play and enjoy being together. Don’t get me wrong they still have sibling fights – its just not as bad or as frequent as when they went to public school. Another BIG positive is that we have been able to incorporate the Bible into almost every lesson. We have been learning from Master Books and its been a great curriculum. Every subject starts and ends with God- even math! We also start our day with just Bible. Our science and history lessons take every concept and puts into a Biblical context. I love it! Often I’m learning right along with the kids.

There has been more time for baking, education games, experiments, and special projects including making a small quilt!

Okay so some of our setbacks….

I am trying to manage our home, homeschool kids, and I’m working 2 jobs from home. I’m losing it- to be quite frank. There is little reprieve. Im going from sun up to sun down a million miles an hour. So this also likely puts me on edge- and many days I feel like I don’t have the patience I really need to focus on our homeschooling needs. Both of our children seem to have some “special needs” too. Our son had some speech delays early on which set him back. I feel he is actually doing really well despite the fact that things aren’t what they were -in past years. Our daughter has been the one who has really stretched us. She can’t seem to focus for more then 1 or 2 minutes . Some days she’s literally hanging upside down on the chair while I’m trying to teach her. I’m pretty sure that if we had her tested she would have a couple of learning disabilities or at least one. My husband suffered through school (and still does) with some learning disabilities. I also had some trouble when I was younger. So we are hyper sensitive to their needs. It was hard to really see that our daughter had special needs until we started homeschooling. We have been working on about 50 site words since we started school in August. Today she could maybe identify 10. Its been super frustrating. We have tried several ways of learning them- orally, written, games, songs, etc. I did recently add a skittle incentive. So for every word she gets right she gets a skittle (after lunch). That has actually been working very well and she seems to have been picking up momentum on learning these. She also has recently started to enjoy reading books. This has not always been the case. I have a reading app (Epic) on my tablet and the kids choose books to read while I do school work with the other child. So when I’m working with my son my daughter is reading on Epic. We also have many books on our shelves that she likes me to read. So this newfound energy for reading has encouraged me that she will TAKE OFF- its just a matter of time. I have to give her some grace because she was half-way through Kindergarten when they sent her home for the year and the at-home learning just wasn’t helping her grow educationally. I know from past experience that, that last semester of Kindergarten is often when stuff starts to click. I find myself in tears every other day sometimes everyday. Homeschooling is no joke. Its the hardest job I’ve ever had. I often second guess my decision and hope I’m not messing my kids up even more. I guess this is where we as mom’s need to extend a little more grace to ourselves. God can do what I can not. I will do what he’s placed in front of me- to the best of my ability and I will rest in the fact that God will fill those gaps and finish the work he began.

One of Lily’s lessons included growing a bean plant. Happy to report its doing well!

“But he said to me, : “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s POWER may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

Thanks for reading my blog. Subscribe to my newsletter. Also comment. What has been your biggest challenge this year -if your homeschooling or overseeing distance learning?

Posted on December 31, 2020December 31, 2020

## 2020 “Crushed but NOT Destroyed!”

My glass pan blew up- quite literally = epitome of 2020

The first cruise my husband and I ever went on was amazing. However when we got off the ship we were both left speechless after a message on his phone was received. A young man who was on our waiting list (for Redemption Road a recovery ministry my husband and I operate) was found deceased. He had drank himself to death. He was young. VERY young. We were devastated. David blamed himself. If only he had placed him somewhere before we had left on our trip. The “if only” taunts us. Doesn’t it always? The unknowns. “Could this be different if I had…”.

Fast forward to January 2020. We took our first FAMILY cruise. A Disney cruise. It was magical. SO. MUCH. FUN. Every family should experience at least one Disney Cruise together! It was great. We were relieved when we got home. No messages on our phone. House was intact. Everyone seemed stable and good. Until we started to listen to the news. Coronavirus is spreading over China and into other European countries. It wasn’t until March however that we had the shutdown and kids were not welcomed back at school. 2020 broke us. The kids grieved their friendships the most. I can honestly say I had more bad days in 2020 then I had good days. I cried a lot. Do you have a favorite place you cry? I like to cry in the shower, on the bathroom floor, in bed, and my car. Those are the places I feel most able to let down my guard.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalms 56:8

I can imagine that if I had to compare my tear measurements of 2020 to my tears of previous years. 2020 would most definitely take the cake by an overwhelming amount. God never promised we wouldn’t face hard times. Loneliness, financial crisis, grief, sickness, stress, etc. In fact he warns us that we WILL. “I have told you all of this so that you may have peace in me. Here on Earth you WILL have MANY trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

This year I’ve decided not to make a lot of goals. I am making just two. 1. Relinquish Control (allow God space to work) and 2. Quiet myself; so that I can hear from God.

I don’t need to try and control EVERYTHING. Most of it I have no control over anyhow. This first goal will be my hardest. I’m generally a control freak. I’ve said before that goals need to be measurable. So I will be checking in with my biggest cheerleader – my husband. I also don’t want to miss what God wants to do here in the middle of the mess. I know He is always up to something so I want to be in tune with what He is saying to me. That’s why I plan to have a morning devotional time every day. A time of prayer and scripture study.

God’s promises are YES and AMEN. He wins. He always wins. “Not for a minute was I forsaken” lyrics from a worship song called HERE AGAIN. God will never leave us nor forsake us (this is a promise repeated throughout both the old and new testament). When life seems chaotic and hope seems lost- remind yourself “GOD is with me”. No; you can not do this but with God by your side you CAN.

Do you know Him? If you don’t I want to invite you to ask him into your heart, home and space. Its as simple as confessing that you have sinned and acknowledging Jesus as your savior. Then just ask him to be part of your life. AND HE WILL! He will hold you and keep track of those tears. He will be your HELP. Reach out with any comments or questions. Especially if you prayed this prayer for the first time. I have a special gift I’d love to send you and I’d love to help get you plugged into a small group or local church.

My Prayer for you all this Next Year:

“May the Lord Bless You and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you Peace”

(Numbers 6:24-26)

Posted on December 7, 2020December 7, 2020

## 8 Self-Care Idea’s

It has been well over a month since I have posted. I apologize. I’ve been super busy. I also must admit I’ve been in a bit of a funk. This year has been SO hard. In March when we first started to hear about the virus I think I was in shock and panic. The last few months if I’m honest; I’ve been on the verge of depression. I’m really good at holding all of my emotions inside. Its how I cope. The Lord has been teaching me that this is very un-healthy. In fact its like poison. A good friend of mine reminded me of a song by Matthew West called “Truth Be Told”. I’d encourage you to look up those lyrics. SO powerful. Its important that we find the right outlet and person/person’s to confide in but we NEED to be honest with ourself and with others about how we are doing. Nothing gets fixed by lying to ourself. I’m not going to dig too deep into this topic right now. Instead I’m going to list some SELF CARE idea’s. These are things I do to take care of ME. It is NOT selfish to take care of yourself. In fact if we don’t take care of ourself, our relationships will suffer immensely.

1. Read my Bible

Follow a reading program that takes the Bible SLOWLY and chronologically. Slow and steady is the key. This way you can really meditate throughout the day on WHAT you read. Also read chronologically so that you are reading the word in its true context. Sadly it is too easy to misinterpret scripture when it is not read in context.

2. Inspirational Music

Find what speaks to you. I love to put Elevation and Bethel Music/Worship on. I use Spotify and Amazon Music throughout the day.

3. Essential Oils

People love them or hate them. I love them!! I mostly diffuse but if I don’t have time to diffuse I will put some on my neck, chest, or wrist. Essential oils have been around for thousands of years (Biblical times). So many studies done on the MANY health benefits of oils including reducing the effects of stress on the body.

4. Warm Bath with Eucalyptus Epsom Salt

Any Epsom Salt bath soak will work. I have found one that I LOVE from Target. It not only helps my sore muscles recover from a strenuous work out but it also makes my skin feel amazing!

5. Work Out/ Physical Activity

This is harder to achieve these days with homeschooling 2 children and working 2 other part time jobs. However I DO make it a priority to go to the gym at least 3 times a week (minimum). Its so important to work on heart health as well as muscle strength and stability. I always feel much better physically and mentally after a work out.

6. Treat yourself

A friend shared a new recipe with me that I will share with you because it was SO GOOD!

Cinnamon Ice Cream & Sparkling Apple Cider

It tastes like an apple pie float. A treat doesn’t have to be a sweet either. It can be a nap, a car ride, a new pair of socks, a glass of wine -whatever gives you a little smile and is something you don’t do everyday. A treat.

7. Read a good book

I think you know within about 4 chapters if the book is a winner. If its not something you look forward to picking up again then toss it and find something else. Not worth your time. Follow me on good reads if you want some input on books. I like to read a mixture of books but my favorites are usually a good historic story, usually fiction but not always.

https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/104582300-noelle-vernoy

8. Take a Nap

Some people can’t do naps. I LOVE naps. Give me 20-30 mins and I will turn into a much nicer person on the other side of that nap!

The most important thing to remember is YOU. Don’t negelct yourself. Take daily moments for yoursefl and take weekly treats. You and everyone around you will be glad you did. God Bless you all in this tough season. With GODS help and grace we WILL PERSEVER!

What do you do for self care? I’d love to hear from you.

Love,

Noelle

Posted on October 4, 2020October 4, 2020

## The Lie: You are not ENOUGH

In my last post I talked about Secrets and how Satan loves to whisper all kinds of lies. One of the lies I fall for almost like clockwork is the lie that I am not enough. This lie has festered from a very young age. I always felt like I had to prove myself. Prove myself to friends, to teachers, to my parents, anyone. I tried to buy peoples affection/love. I tried to be the “good daughter.” Somewhere along the way I began to believe that I was not good enough and no matter what success I achieved I still ended up feeling like I wasn’t enough. In middle school I started playing Volleyball. I was REALLY good at it too. I loved the game. I was passionate about it. Every time I got on the court somehow my worries faded and I could simply be me. I remember the summer between my eighth grade year and my 9th grade year I was training for the next volleyball season and it was a crucial year because we understood a few girls would be cut from the team. It was my biggest fear and yet I had confidence in my ability that I didn’t let it consume my thoughts. The day came for the cuts to be made and I was in fact one of the 3 girls to get cut. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I cried for at least a week straight. Not only were my hopes of playing in high school crushed but my hopes of playing in college as well. I believe the enemy used that time to speak more lies to my soul the biggest one- “You are not enough”.

Maybe you have reason to believe you are not enough. Maybe you like Moses are not articulate. Maybe your shy or timid. Maybe you are the opposite and you talk quickly or your LOUD you worry that people think your strange. Maybe you don’t fit the “typical mold” (whatever that might look like to you). Maybe your tired. I know this pandemic has worn me out! I have taken on new roles as a homeschool mom, homeschool group leader and Children’s Pastor. I have had to re-think ministry in a number of ways due to COVID. I’m plain tired from all of the politics. Its a perfect opportunity for the enemy to whisper “just give up”, “your not enough”, “you never will be”, “just throw in the towel”.

Let me share a widow’s story. You can find her story in 2 Kings 4. I imagine this widow was crying in desperation and pain as she lost her husband and gained a huge financial burden. The Bible tells us “creditors were coming to take her 2 son’s away to pay her husbands debts”. When you feel like you have nothing, when you feel like you are not enough, when you feel like all hope is lost, when you feel like the world is going to end…. Remember WHO you are! You are a child of God and HE will not let go. This widow reached out to a friend who she knew could help her and God created a miracle. The widow was asked what she had. She answered “nothing except a small jar of olive oil”. So the prophet Elisha told her to gather empty jars from all of her neighbors. At the end of verse 3 it say’s “Don’t ask for just a few”. I laughed when I read that. I imagined myself going to all of my neighbors and asking for all of their old/ empty canning jars. So the widow does this. No questions asked. Then she is told to start pouring oil from the small jar to fill all of the jars she collected. Once the jars ran out so did the oil. An amazing miracle! God can do SO much with just a little faith. Its all His anyway’s, Amen?!

I want to encourage you if the enemy is speaking this lie over you- that you are not enough…. Tell Him:

“I am God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God has prepared in advance for ME to do!” Ephesians 2:10“

Posted on September 7, 2020September 9, 2020

## Secrets

I recently was a mediator between two people who were having an argument. Have you ever been that person? I DON’T mean a fight between your kids. This was a fight between two grown adults! After listening to each of them and their side of the story I realized these two were “keeping each others secrets”. Isn’t this exactly where the enemy finds his playground? In the secret, in the hidden.

The enemy started with a lie and in the end he will be defeated with TRUTH! In Genesis chapter 3 the serpent is described as “crafty” in some translations he’s called “deceiver.” In the first 3 verses he questions Eve asking her “did God really say you must not…?” Eve confirms that in fact God did say… At the end of verse 3 Eve states that “God said if she touches the tree she will die.” In verse 4 the serpent says “you will not certainly die”. He lies. That is what he does. Jesus says in John 8:44 about Satan: “…not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

Secrets are harmful. I’m not talking about things that ought to be confidential. Something shared between husband and wife or between two friends. I’m talking about things that if made known would make one feel shame. Things that may not even be true but we’ve believed them and so we hold onto them. Some of us don’t even know how to get out of the evil cycle of keeping secrets. My husband is a recovering addict and he repeats one of AA’s principles often. “We’re only as sick as our secrets.” It basically means that a secret that grows in the dark becomes more harmful but once exposed, it loses its power. I love the parable of the Lamp. Jesus says “No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so those who come in can see the light. For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.” Luke 8:16-17. This is where I find my personal definition of a good secret vs a bad secret. Once revealed a good secret will bring healing and hope. A bad secret will bring chaos and destruction.

Growing up I believed several lies that added up to one gigantic lie. The gigantic lie basically was this “You are worthless”. It was an awful secret that I kept to myself and that the enemy I’m sure enjoyed watching me hold onto. He whispered in my ear hundreds if not thousands of times a day. Messages like “your fat, you’ll always be fat, no one likes you, your ugly, your stupid, no one will ever want you, your garbage.” Some of these messages we partial truths and I believed the lie because it seemed fitting. These lies kept me in bondage. I was in bondage to food. It was my escape and it was my comfort. I was also in bondage to music. Music was another escape for me. We all have or have had an addiction. Addiction isn’t just alcohol or drugs. Oh no. Addiction is anything we allow to consume us. You can be addicted to exercise, sex, shopping, food, cutting, gambling, gaming, social media, etc.

When I went off to college is when I began to do some major self-reflection. I was confronted for the first time with the fact that I hated myself. I had roommates that had planned an intervention for me (keep in mind I did go to a Christian private school). They said “Noelle you not only don’t like yourself but you hate yourself.” They shared that I was a very negative person. At the time this all cut deep and hurt so bad. I tried to run and hide from all of them and their accusations. They loved me through it though. They didn’t just preach the gospel they showed me. It was their constant and consistent love that ultimately changed my trajectory. The Bible says “take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.” These thoughts are the enemy’s lies. They are his plan to destroy you and set you on a destructive path. If the thought doesn’t line up with God, His promises, His truth (the word of God- the Bible) then we need to discard it and replace it with truth.

Are there dark secrets your keeping? Are there lies your believing? Daughter you are loved. You are a treasure. You can’t afford to keep secrets or listen to lies. These things will destroy you and those around you. Today is the day to take those thoughts captive. Today is the day to shine a light on those dark secrets and expose them. Only then can you have true peace. Proverbs 28: 13 (AMP) say’s “He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, But whoever confesses and turns away from his sins will find COMPASSION and MERCY.”

A promise we can BANK on! That’s GOOD NEWSl!!

Posted on July 28, 2020July 28, 2020

## Life Updates: Covid-19 Home Test, Vertigo, Summer Camping-my fav & kids fav spots, Kids Tennis and our decision to homeschool

This post might be a little scattered. I have not written anything for a couple of weeks because life has been extremely busy and chaotic. In my title I began with the ugly and ended with the positive. I think I’ll continue that. I always appreciate a good ending.

After sheltering in place all spring one of our first outings (in a group setting) was to Family Camp in Devils Lake. It was as though no one out there even knew what COVID was.😬😂 Granted many of the people there were country folks who had 0 cases in their county but I’ll be honest I was a bit uncomfortable with all of the hugs and hand shakes. At the same time I believe that not being around germs and such is NOT good for my immune system. I came back from camp with what seemed like a common cold. It was over within 4 or 5 days and then the following week I had a cough for about 2 days. The cough scared me enough to take a COVID test. The test did come back negative. No one else in my family got sick.

Okay so here are my positive experience with the At-home kit:

- It was super convenient
- It was easy to take
- It came to me the very next day from when I ordered it
- It was covered through insurance
- It was in the lab within 24 hours of me taking it

Here are my negative experiences with the At–home Kit:

- It took about 10 days to process!!

So I’m glad I took the test for peace of mind and the safety of all those I’m around however I was not impressed by how long this test took to process. Their web site says that they take 3-5 days to process and they process samples 7 days a week so I’m unsure why mine took so long. I think the best thing about this test is that it was simple to take. They send you a kit with several q-tip like wands (small). Your instructed to take 1 q-tip and circle the inside of each nostril 3 times. Then place the q-tip in a small tube they send with some sort of liquid (that I suppose keeps the sample stable for testing). Super easy and non-invasive at all (like most of the other tests out there).

Just a few days after my cold symptoms I got back to feeling really good so I started exercising again. I decided to take an online cardio step class. It felt great to get moving again so I decided to take a yoga class as well. That’s when I though I was passing out. I felt the floor shift from beneath me. All I could do was lay on the floor and close my eyes. I thought something was seriously wrong. My husband said that we should get to the walk-in clinic right away because he didn’t want to wait till the evening and have to pay for an emergency room visit. It turns out I just had Vertigo. I was dumb founded. Like seriously? That’s it? I pretty much laid in bed for 2 days. It did eventually pass but it was miserable. I felt like I was in one of those wave pools and I couldn’t get off the ride. I was nauseous and dizzy almost the entire time. Anyone else out there had Vertigo? What was your experience? Do you get it often?

We decided to buy a camper after we realized that most of the kids activities and camps in Fargo were going to be canceled because of COVID this summer. It was one of the best decisions we made! We have made so many great family memories this summer. Here is a list of the campgrounds we have visited so far: Eggerts Landing (Valley City, ND), Lakewood Park Bible Camp (Devils Lake, ND), Games Lake County Park (New London, MN), Yogi Bear Jellystone Park (Sioux Falls, SD) and this weekend we are off to Lake Geneva Christian Center (Alexandria, MN). My personal favorite out of all the places we’ve been to so far is Eggerts Landing. Its well maintained and each site seems somewhat private. You feel part of nature there. The bugs weren’t too bad and the beach and park were wonderful! If you go ask to be close to bathrooms. Some of the sites are quite far from the bathrooms and beach access. The kids favorite campground of course was Yogi Bear. My only complaints about Yogi Bear was it was a more expensive and the pool was just too small for the amount of campers. If we go again I would do this one during the week and not on the weekend. I might write a post in the fall as a follow up to this one. That way I can share more about each campground. We have had fun at each place we’ve been to! What are some of your favorite camping spots?

The one thing that did not get canceled was the kids tennis lessons. They went twice a week throughout the month of July. The kids started out really loving it but by the last week or two they didn’t want to go. They actually have to exercise and move (imagine that). I think they also got a little bored with the same motions each day. Next time I think I would sign them up for more of a 2 week program or a multi-sports summer program. We liked the instructors they were very nice and good with the kids! I think I counted about 9 or 10 boys and about 12-15 girls each week. It was a big group.

IM OFFICIALLY A HOME SCHOOL MAMA! It seems like a daunting task. When Fargo had an online-zoom meeting recently and shared their plans for the 2020-2021 school year I knew I had to go with my gut and choose to homeschool this year. Im hopeful that our kids will get back to a normal class room setting next year. My main 2 reasons for leaving public school this year:

- I’m not a fan of the public school home learning system.
- Kids should not be mandated to wear a mask all day
- Kids should not be asked to social distance

Fargo schools will have kids learning in the classroom and from home. Three days one week and two days the next. Plus they will likely have closures throughout the school year. I prefer the kids to have a stable learning environment. The shuffling around does not seem stable to me. I don’t plan to comment on the mask issue. Doctors/scientists wont even agree on the mask issue so I’m not going there. I just prefer my kids to breath fresh air. This last point is the nail in the coffin for me. What is the point of sending my child to public school if not to make friends and socialize? I’m afraid that’s just not what Public schools are concerned about this year- which makes me very sad for the students. I’m praying for the mental and emotional health of all the children put in public school this year. I realize some parents don’t have the option to homeschool. Each family needs to make the decision that best fits their needs. I just know I can’t send mine this year. Most of the summer I have been researching curriculum. A friend of mine from Willmar who has been homeschooling for a few years now turned me on to Master Books. I have looked online at much of their curriculum and I think its going to be a perfect fit for my family. Its very reasonable, I paid under $400 TOTAL for my 2 kids (4 subjects for each child plus an America Geography book- states). My favorite part of this curriculum is that each subject weaves Jesus throughout. Its gentle (as to let kids develop a love for learning and retain the information). I’m super excited about the curriculum but very nervous about doing this for 9 months! Lord help me. If you are homeschooling tell me: what extra curricular activities are you signing your kids up for? What curriculum do you use and why?

Posted on June 28, 2020July 28, 2020

## Bloom: how God is continuing to use our family where we are

At the start of the year I felt the Lord gave me the word bloom. I was ready for a beautiful year. A year that I would be able to see beauty come to the surface after years of hard work. Turns out Im not being called to sit and watch at all. Turns out God needs me to roll up my sleeves and get into the dirt. There are scary times ahead. The kids need me now more then ever as they have grieved (in their own ways) the loss of friendships and social interactions. They have missed so many family, church and school celebrations. They have fallen behind academically. This scares me the most. I am not a good teacher for them. Someone else needs to teach them! PLEASE! The kids pull the wool over my eyes and I fall for it. Every single time. The at home learning this past spring may just have been the beginning of our steep climb.

Additionally in recent news; I have accepted another part-time job as the Children’s Pastor at Heartland Community Church in West Fargo, ND! I am equal parts nervous and excited. My heart is excited and SO happy. My head is screaming “what are you doing?” “You may have to homeschool next year, you have a non-profit to help your husband run, you just started a blog and want to write a book???!!!” All of those things are true I do have a lot on my plate. BUT GOD. My life belongs to Him and He will use me as He see’s fit.

Do you ever feel as though you are unqualified? I don’t know why I keep finding myself trapped by this lie. All that God needs is a willing spirit. He doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called. He uses what we have. Two great examples: Moses; God used his shepherds staff (a simple staff) and the boy with 5 loaves & 2 fish (I imagine a simple lunchable).

God has called me and equipped me for a purpose. Now more then ever children need to know that they are NOT alone. They have a God who loves them so much he gave his one and only son. They have a friend who will never leave them. We are living in historic times. Times that make my adult head spin. I can not help but have compassion for children in these very dark days. How can I NOT jump into the dirt? In a post from February I wrote:

“So my overarching goal this year is to dig in right where he has planted me and allow his work to bloom in my life!

“That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither- whatever they do prospers.” Psalms 1:3

So this is me and my family “digging in” and allowing GOD to DO HIS work! Let the beautiful flowers (I picture a pot full of Gerber Daisies and Lilies because although completely different flowers they seem to represent my heart and my families unique calling) BLOOM! We believe in the message of the Gospel and like Heartland Community Church we will not rest until the WHOLE WORLD has heard the GOOD news of Jesus!

Posted on June 8, 2020June 8, 2020

## Silence is Golden: We can speak; or we can allow room for God to speak

I had a great weekend. Took the kids out to my parents house. Its a good 3.5 hour car ride. I was not looking forward to the drive. I was expecting the kids to fight and my anxiety to run high. I was pleasantly surprised by the drive. The kids were quiet for the most part and they didn’t fight, AMEN!!! I got to meet my GREAT nephew for the first time. It was a rush let me tell you. He couldn’t be more perfect. My niece is a first time mom. I remember when that was me. In talking about all things baby; I bit my tongue when it came to offering tips or parenting advice. I believe sometimes silence is golden! When I was a first time mom I wish I hadn’t listened to ALL the advice and had just went with my gut. God gave you that child and is empowering you to be his/her mother. This brings me to my main point today. In a world that is SO utterly chaotic today. Where people are talking when they should be listening (myself included) lets remember that some seasons REQUIRE silence. God moves in the silence. See James 1:19.

“In the Silence of the heart God Speaks. If you face God in Prayer and Silence, God will speak to you.. Souls of prayer are souls of great silence.” Mother Theresa

I was not silent last night. I had a very weak moment in my humanity. I’m defiantly not proud of engaging in the back and forth. Its not an excuse but I was completely exhausted. I had my kids the entire weekend and I believe the heat made me feel even more exhausted. A friend posted (on FB) what I deem to be a controversial statement and I took the bait. Oh man how I wish I hadn’t fallen into that trap. Don’t get me wrong there is a time and a place to SPEAK up. I just know in truth; Facebook isn’t the place for politics and arguments. It will accomplish no good thing. I seen a news clip that shared a story of some faith and prayer walks taking place. Where black, white, and brown- ALL ethnic groups come together to pray, talk/find resolutions, heal and promote unity. Those are the things I’d love to see more of. Less social media posts and more actions of love and unity.

The Israelites were oppressed for hundreds of years. As soon as God would do something great to free them or meet their needs the Israelites would find themselves sinning against God again. So many times I read these scriptures and would get SO mad. BUT if I really examine myself- that’s me. I tell God I trust him but my actions don’t follow. In 2 Chronicles 7 Solomon had finished rebuilding the temple of the Lord and the Lord appeared to him and said: “I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for myself as a temple for sacrifices. When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among MY people, IF my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and forgive their sin and heal their land.”

Trouble WILL come. We need each other now more then ever. The coronavirus alone is enough to damage us all emotional and psychologically. The virus doesn’t care what our race, age, sex is. Its had a negative affect on us all. What is the first call to action in 2 Chronicles 7? HUMILITY. God calls us to lay down our pride. Ask for forgiveness. Seek restoration. Romans 12:16-18 says: “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be PROUD, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” I was choosing pride over peace yesterday and I want to sincerely apologize. “Do whats right in the eyes of everyone”. That seems hard doesn’t it? How can we please everyone? How about by praying for them? How about we have coffee and listen to their grievances? Doesn’t mean we have to agree. I believe there is nothing the enemy loves more then to see us all fight and bicker. If he can divide us he can conquer us.

Next we are called to PRAY and SEEK God. Have you spent time in prayer? Have you spent time in Gods word? “I am the bread of life. Whoever eats this bread will live for ever.” -John 6:35 I have heard it said “bread is biblical”. I love that because I love bread. Its filling. Its extremely satisfying. Point here is- HE is all we need! He is the bread. He is the nourishment we need. Nothing will ever satisfy like Jesus will. Spend time with him. You want to make a difference? You want real change in our world. Start and end here. He is the answer to EVERY question and every problem.

Lastly if we want God to hear us and heal our land we also need to TURN from our wicked ways. This is true repentance. We can say we’re sorry until we are blue in the face but without change/action we stay stagnate. God demands change. Change in our heart, change in our attitude, change in our actions. I am writing this blog to myself as much as I am to anyone else. I feel immense conviction this morning and today I am on my knees. Asking, seeking, and humbling myself before my Lord and Savior. Today I seek to understand before I seek to be understood. Today I choose to allow God to fight my battles. That all said by the end of the day I am going to deactivate my Facebook account. I need to practice what I preach. I need to turn the distractions off so I can be more attentive to the Holy Spirit. I do manage 2 Facebook pages and 2 Facebook groups. The pages will be updated using other admin accounts and my groups have facilitators that I’m sure will step up! I will be back eventually but in this season I must step away. I will continue to blog (less frequently through the summer however) so keep checking those through the facebook page OR subscribe to my newsletter (found on my web page) so that you will be notified via email when a new post goes up. I leave you with this blessing “May God Bless You and KEEP you, May his face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you.” I love and appreciate each one of you who pray and support our ministry and family. Your prayers are SO SO important. Thank You!!!

Posted on May 31, 2020May 31, 2020

## Entertainment: 17 of my favorite books and tv series

Some of my favorite books:

Brave is the New Beautiful by Lee Wolfe Blum

A friend recommended this book to me and I enjoyed it thoroughly. So many issues that all women can relate to. The author weaves stories (hers and others) throughout to expand on her points. So relatable! Loved this one. I give this book 4 stars.

The Tattooist of Auschwitz by Heather Morris

This was a tough story to read. I cried throughout but at times found some comic relief too. Emotional read but I’m so glad I read it. A true love story- in the midst of evil, catastrophic events. I give this book 3.5 stars.

Hope in the Dark: Believing God is Good When Life is Not by Craig Groeshel

Questions we all have faced or will face when tragedy hits. Such a good read if your going through a tough season. Most of us could benefit from this book right now (with the pandemic & rioting)! I LOVED it. Thought provoking at every turn. Craig relates some of his own questions and stories of conflict and tragedy. I give this book 4 Stars.

Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate

This book is fictional but based off a true set of horrific events that happened in 1939. I couldn’t put the book down. I cried throughout. It was absolutely horrific. The love of siblings and the fight the main character exuded was SO inspirational! I give this book 4 stars.

As Bright as Heaven by Susan Meissner

I listened to this book on Audible. I loved the narration. Well written and well narrated! The setting of this book is Philadelphia, 1918- during the Spanish Flu. Its a fictional story (again) based on real events. A family’s experiences of war, flu, and famine. Another read I couldn’t get through fast enough. Loved it. I give this book 4 Stars.

The Masterpiece by Francine Rivers

Great story of love, grace and redemption. I have loved all of Francine’s books but this was especially enjoyable. Beaty in seen through a mountain of hurt and pain. I give this book 4 Stars.

Eat Cake. Be Brave. by Melissa Radke

I listened to this book on Audible. Melissa (the author) was also the narrator. I loved it! She is a lot of fun to listen to. I’m convinced after listening to her book that no one is better equipped to read your story then you. She’s funny, witty, and makes some great points. If your a mom who needs a bit of inspiration and some humor in your life- read this! I give this book 3 Stars.

TV Series

We have Amazon Prime Video and Netflix. I’m not familiar with whats available on some of the other streaming services.

Two of my favorites are not available on Amazon or Netflix : Parenthood and This is Us.

Parenthood: This one was an emotional rollercoaster. We laughed (a lot) and cried throughout. There are 3 generations represented in this family. Lots of twist and turns but again family is family and they stick together through it all. I give this series 4 stars.

This is Us:

A drama series we got swept up in. This is one you’ll want a box of tissues for. I think I cried at least once during each episode. Each family member struggles in some ways but family is always there! I give this series 4 stars.

NetFlix

Nurse Jackie:

This series is about a nurse who has an addiction to narcotics. She’s smart, funny, witty but she goes to ALL lengths in order to feed her disease. Its a somber story. Its hard to watch especially if you have no idea what addiction is like. I watched it with my husband who is a recovering addict and he says its very real/candid. If you want an inside look of what an addict (and their friends/family members) go through I highly recommend this series! Be aware of the rating on this show. It is a bit explicit at times. I give this series 5 Stars

When Calls the Heart:

Think little house on the prairie. Set in the early 1900’s, Elizabeth the main character leaves home (a life of privilege-rich) to follow her dreams of being a school teacher. Her first assignment is along the Canadian frontier. This show is clean. You could watch this with your kids. I don’t know they’d be interested in it but you could. I give this series 3.5 Stars

Married at First Sight:

This is a chick flick series. Its a modern day arranged marriage. 4 couples are matched by 3 experts (Sociologist, Psychologist, and Pastor). I enjoyed this series because I could binge watch it and I didn’t have to think. I could just simply watch non-sense. I have to say its not as heated (by heated I mean sexualized) as the Bachelor but its also not clean. I give this series 3 Stars. It was fun to watch but its not something I would re-watch.

Call the Midwife:

This is a drama, set in the 1950’s London. The main character Jen becomes a midwife and joins a convent where nuns were also nurses. Its heartbreaking throughout but the story of friendship and life are brilliant and uplifting. Love this series! Again this is more of a chick-flick series I watch without the hubby. I give this series a 3.5 star rating.

Waco:

Is a short series based on the true events of a cult that formed near Waco, TX in the 80’s. In 1993 the FBI got involved and the ending is tragic. This movie really gets you thinking and is simply disturbing. None the less it was done well! I would highly recommend watching this! I give this series 4.5 Stars!

Prime Video:

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel:

I’m going to warn you this series can be kind of crude at times but if you can get over the language there is some great stories weaved throughout. Its also incredibly funny. Sometimes I laughed so hard I nearly wet my pants! I give this series 4 Stars!

Sneaky Pete:

The first and last series are the best. The middle got too violent for me. Still the script writing is brilliant. Pete is a con man. Everything about this man is fake but does he have a heart to change? I’m convinced he does. Great GREAT acting in this and brilliant manipulation that is hard to catch- hence the name SNEAKY Pete. Be aware of the rating on this show. I give this series 3.5 Stars.

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This blog is intended to encourage mothers. We all need Grace, and Grit to get through the tough days, and coffee well that represents JOY which is what I intend to weave throughout my posts. This is about the crazy mom life. We need each other!

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