“Unmerited divine assistance; Approval, Favor; Mercy, Pardon” – Merriam- Webster
I’ve always been a girl who felt unaccepted. I have a feeling I’m not alone in this. This feeling has robbed me. It has blinded me. It has paralyzed me. Every time I get through a tough season in life my heart leaps for joy and is encouraged because I have “triumphed and I have dealt with that heart issue”. Thats what it is. Its a heart issue. Its something that started when I was young and I have carried it on my shoulders throughout my life. It was quite heavy when I was little. Today its much lighter but at times can feel just as heavy as the day I first picked it up.
The day I first picked it up… Well I can’t be certain of the exact day but I was probably around the age of 9. We were at a family function where food was being shared- buffet style. I was reaching into a jar of pickles and a family member swatted my hand. He told me “you had enough food and you need to watch how much you eat” and then he took a fork and went into the jar himself and said “only pigs use their hands to eat” then he gave me a look that sent chills down my back, it was a look of disgust. I believe it was my first thought of being fat.
My siblings and family in general didn’t seem to struggle in this way. They mostly just watched me struggle. I believe now that their intent was not to hurt me. My weight gain in and around fourth grade only got progressively worse. At the time puberty hit I was an emotional wreck and weighing double what my friends weighed (the few friends I had).
I have so many stories to share when it comes to un-acceptance. This feeling. This disease. Well its all a big fat lie! A lie from the pit of hell. God’s love reaches to highest high’s and lowest lows. One particular story in the Bible that I’m reminded of is when Sarai (later Sarah) took matters into her own hands and gave her slave Hagar to her husband Abram (later Abraham) to sleep with so she could bear him a child. Now Sarai had become inpatient and had not trusted God. There are a host of issues going on here but what I want to discuss further in this story is Hagar. Hagar was a slave. She was doing what she was asked to do (and culturally at the time acceptable). The Bible explains that Sarai mistreated Hagar once Hagar became pregnant. Lets face it, she was jealous. It was her plan and yet she was not happy. Hagar was caught in a place she did not ask for and she did not want. The Lord sent an Angel that met with her and her response to the Lord was “You are the God who see’s me, and I have now seen the one who see’s me”. Genesis 16:13. My friend He see’s you! He knows you better then you know yourself. Isn’t that so refreshing?! He’s our friend, father, brother, hope, fortress, shield/protector, and he’s our help. “But to all who receive him, who believe in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12 We are His children! We are royalty! Did you hear that? ROYALTY! Lets believe the truth and destroy that lie once and for all! WE ARE ACCEPTED, LOVED, and CHERISHED!
The Grace portion of this blog will highlight struggles whether it be a simple struggle like getting your 5 year old to brush her teeth or something much deeper like I’ve just shared. Grace is why Jesus went to the cross. Grace is something we need to receive and something we need to learn to impart to others. Lets continue to grow in Grace together.