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One of my most painful memories is from my high school prom.  I wanted to go to prom SO bad.  I watched my brother go to prom 3 times and I had a twin sister I knew would have no problem catching a date.  I was a junior in high school and I knew I didn’t stand a chance of being asked.  I think people liked me.  That was always my mission anyhow. Get them to like you!  I think to an extent this thinking is okay.  Paul said “To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak.  I have become all things to all people that I might save some” 1 Corinthians 9:22

I did this ALL of the time though.  So much so that I neglected myself and became a doormat.  I started to elevate others and became entrenched in a gross lie.  I hated myself.  Hated!  Such a big word but very true.  I lost myself.  I did not see myself as God seen me.  My heart loved Jesus and simultaneously believed satan’s lie that I was a mistake.  

I remember it took all the courage I could muster to call a friend from church who I thought might pity me enough to agree to take me to prom.  Unfortunately he said no.  Said he didn’t want to go to prom, had no interest in prom.  Once again that lie I believed of myself grew.  Why would I think for a moment He’d take me?  He would not want to be seen by all of his friends taking me to prom.  Yeah I’m an idiot I thought.  It took weeks to brush this experience off.  Later that month I agreed to myself that I would try one more person.  This person also didn’t have many friends and certainly he’d be willing to be seen with me.  So after class one day I asked him.  “Would you take me, as friends?”  I was shocked when he said yes!

I was excited that I could finally be part of a BIG day like this.  I didn’t think this would actually be possible for me.  I was a chunky 200+ pound girl with red hair.  There was a sliver of me left that wanted to be/feel beautiful.  I couldn’t wait.  Was I excited about who I was attending with?  Honestly no.  We were friends but not close friends definitely this was going to be/feel awkward but I didn’t care.  I Noelle Dalen was going to prom!!  Eeeek!!!  I did all of the shopping with my sister and we did tanning, nails and hair- the whole gamut.  So fun.  Days before the actual prom I recieved a call from him.  He explained that he started dating someone and asked me if it was ok if he went with her?  I said sure.  The next day he apologized and said that he didn’t feel right about it.  He had made a promise to me and he will still take me.  Okay so I had a rollercoaster of emotions going into prom.

The day had arrived.  Despite the emotions earlier-I was very excited.  I got fancied up, we took all of the pictures.  It was great.  When we got to the grand march I realized that the girl he was seeing was there.  I was so confused.  We walked through grand march together and then he asked me if he could go find her.  I said sure.  Of course.  Go.  When we piled on the bus- I sat alone.  I sat alone most of the night at the dinner. I watched everyone dance.  I sat alone on the bus ride home.  It was probably one of the loneliest times of my life.  I felt like I didn’t exist.  People didn’t see me.  I was invisible.  

BUT GOD.  God uses EVERYTHING!  Is this a sad story?  YES.  BUT-it honestly helped shape who I am today!! That bis the beauty of it now. I will always remember the 200 lb, red head who walked around feeling invisible to the world.  AND I have made it my mission that NO ONE ever feels invisible!  My life’s mission has been to shine Jesus and tell them the TRUTH about WHO they are in Him.   “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation.”  1 Peter 2:9.  I will teach my daughter to be the one who SEE’s that kid sitting alone.  I will teach my son to be the one who asks that lonely girl in the corner to dance.  It doesn’t take much. It just takes someone willing to SEE and maybe look a little DIFFERENT/ stand out.   I hope we can all teach our children these things because no one should feel unseen.

My husband learned about this very painful memory of mine years after we had been married.  In the recovery world they have several different events happening all of the time.  He was so sweet.  He heard there was going to be a Sober Adult Prom and he went all out.  The boutonniere’s, opening my car door, random pics-all of it!!   The actual prom was pretty lame- but we even laughed about all of that.  He’s my prince charming and I can look back now and say God had a plan even in my darkest of days.  

Do you know that God loves you SO much? Not 1 tear your cry is wasted! What a phenomenal thing to think about!!

“You have kept count of my tossing; put my tears in your bottle”. Psalm 56:8

Do not think for a moment you are a mistake.  That is an ugly lie!

“When my heart is faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.” Psalm 61:2,3

This is going to be a hard post to write, a hard post to share and probably a hard post for you to read. I make no apology- life is hard. We were never promised as believers an easy life. In fact Jesus warned us “In this world you WILL have tribulation. BUT take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

I will spare you the laundry list of things that weigh on my heart today because there are so many. I know that you all have things your facing today as well. Instead I will just share the biggest thing (right now) that is heavy on my heart. My sister. She has been no saint and I know that she will attest to this but watching her fight cancer while she fights an ugly divorce/child custody battle is OVERWHELMING. I have to say as I watch her do this I have never been so proud of her! She is 7.5 years older then me so we really have never been very close. Beyond the age gap though we actually had a hard time ever really getting along. We bumped heads a lot and I probably fostered some pretty harsh feelings towards her. Its crazy how fast PERSPECTIVE hits when cancer comes on the scene.

I have come to realize that none of that (past trauma) really matters because my sister has cancer. In the last 2 years since she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer our friendship has blossomed and I hate that it took cancer to wake us all up! So many regrets but now all we can live for is today.

“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.” Proverbs 27:1

This fall my sister and I went to my nephews football game. My sister LOVES watching football. It was honestly the highlight of my year- watching her watch her son play college football. Yes I’m on the floor bawling right now as I write this. I have finally learned to appreciate all of the small moments in life. When I get the opportunity to be with her I find myself making these visual programs in my mind and storing the memory/moments so that I can recall it out if or when needed. I may not see eye to eye with her and we may have had our moments but beyond all of that- she is so much fun. She loves life. She loves her kids. She has a beautiful heart. She was dealt a lot of tough stuff in this life and it seems unfair but she has LIVED, she has LOVED, she has been LOVED and she is a STRONG, FIERCE woman.

I want my sister to know whether she lives or dies: death does NOT have the final say! Death is imminent. Its going to happen to us all. What is important is how we lived while we were here on earth. What did we do with our time?

1. Did you know Jesus?
2. Did You make Jesus known?

In John 11: 25,26 Jesus tells Martha “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall NEVER DIE.”

Sister I am praying you through this battle. I want to see us have MANY MANY more moments together. I am believing for a miraculous healing in your life!! If you leave us I will rest in knowing that death is not the end and you are living in a better place- free of pain. I want you to rest in knowing that I will do everything in my power to honor your memory and love your kids so that one day they too will be with you. Please don’t give up. KEEP FIGHTING! JESUS WINS NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

Todays blog is actually taken from a post I wrote in December of 2015. I hope you are blessed by it!

Had a great time at church. Met a new friend who helped us out in the 3 year old room. We had kind of a deep conversation after church. This lady watched us as we led the class and she shared with us after class. She especially enjoyed how David was with the kids. I explained to her that he wasn’t always like that and becoming a Dad really softened him. He then had tears and talked about how not having a father really jaded him. He really didn’t know what a father looked like until he had the hands on experience. My heart has been in meditation today. Just thinking about our Heavenly Father. Father to ALL. If you were neglected and or abandoned like my husband was I want you to know that there is a man out there that loves you and wants to have a relationship with you. He is not like any earthly father. Far greater! He came in the form of a baby and his birth is nothing short of a complete miracle. He is still in the business of miracles!!! Do you need a miracle today? Look no further. I would love to share with you and help you to know Jesus! He is just a prayer away.

I know know all of you are fans of pumpkin but if you are I want to share a few of my recipes. In my family I’m the only one who adores pumpkin. The kids love carving them but that is about as far as their fascination goes. Mine goes BEYOND and I’m not afraid to say it. Two of my new favorite recipes are a single dish baked pumpkin oatmeal and a single serving pumpkin protein pancakes. I’ve been messing around with pumpkin for the last month and some things turned out and some things did not. Pumpkin can definitely be tricky to bake/cook with. Too much and things fall apart quickly. Too little and “whats the point?” If you can’t taste it that no fun either. Pumpkin is a great source of fiber. Fiber is SO to our diet. Now I’m no nutritionist but I have done enough research on fiber that I’m convinced next to water, Fiber is the next best thing we consume and we don’t get nearly enough. We should get 30-50 grams of fiber everyday. A 1/4 cup of pumpkin puree has 7-9 grams of fiber (depending on if its fresh or canned). Pumpkin is also rich in vitamins and minerals: A, C, B2, E, potassium, copper, manganese, Iron as well as small amounts of magnesium, phosphorus, zinc, folate and several B vitamins. Its a great antioxidant.

Sometimes finding HEALTHY ways to include pumpkin in your diet can be tricky. I love to make my own pumpkin puree. It can be a lengthy process but 1 pie pumpkin (done right) can produce up to 3 cups of puree. The best trick I can give on making your own pumpkin puree is to use a cheese cloth to strain it. I sometimes will just let the cheese cloth filled with pureed pumpkin sit in a colander over the sink for an hour or two just to get as much of that excess water and liquid out.

Onto some wonderful tried and true HEALTHY Pumpkin recipes. Both recipes are single serving- 1 serving.

Pumpkin Baked Oatmeal

1/4 Cup Pumpkin Puree

1/2 Cup Old Fashioned Oats

1 TBLS Stevia (cup for cup Stevia)- can also substitute maple syrup

1/2 tsp vanilla

1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice

1/2 tsp baking powder

pinch of salt

1/4 cup oat milk – can substitute almond milk

Mix all ingredients and place in a greased baking dish such as a Ramekin (I just use my small sauce pan that is oven safe). Bake at 350 for 15 minutes. I like to add some whipped cream to the top before I eat. YUMMY!

Pumpkin Protein Pancakes

1/2 Cup Kodiak (or similar) Protein Pancake Mix

3 TBLS Pumpkin Puree

1/2 tsp Pumpkin Pie Spice

1 TBLS Stevia (cup for cup Stevia) or substitute maple syrup

1/2 tsp Baking Powder

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 cup water

Mix all ingredients cook on stovetop over medium heat. Think low and slow. These pancakes are very dense (and keep you full for a LONG time) so you want to make sure they rise up and cook through the middle. A dollop of whip cream is perfect- no syrup needed on these!

–No Politics, just a detailed series of events

We had a great week at our annual MN Family camp hosted at Lake Geneva Christian Center in Alexandria, MN.  If I had known however what was about to hit us I might have chosen to skip this particular camping trip.   We had gone into this camping trip pretty exhausted emotionally and physically.   We had a traumatic experience just a couple weeks prior that ended with the death of our beloved family dog Ida.  David, Theo and I were all still feeling emotionally distraught.  It was the perfect set up for a virus to take hold (likely our immune systems were not functioning at 100%).

We drove home from Alexandria on a Sunday.  That Saturday evening I had a slight cough as I went to bed.  The next day the cough became more pronounced and I was feeling a headache.  I figured it was honestly just exhaustion from all of the camping we had just done but that evening (Sunday evening) I knew something was not right.  Sunday and Monday I thought it was livable.  Just a cold.  Tuesday I had a fever, aches and my nostrils were on fire.  I have to admit I still didn’t think this was COVID.  Mostly because in the past year David and I had been in meetings, at church, and in car’s with people who later had tested positive for COVID.  We had taken so many tests that came back negative.  We started to believe we just had great immune systems.  David had a guy who he took to the food bank.  This guy waited in his car for 45 minutes before getting out and going into the food bank one morning.  Later that day the guy called him and said that his COVID test was positive.  We freaked out!  Why would he not have disclosed the fact that he took a COVID test before getting in Davids car with him?!  Still none of us got sick and Davids tests all came back negative.   On another occasion I had been in a 3 hour meeting at work where the following day several people started having symptoms and ultimately tested positive for COVID just days later.  My 3 tests all came back negative!  

So I believed with all my heart that this was a cold or quite possibly the flu.  I had had both A and B Flu simultaneously when I was pregnant with Lily.  It was absolutely miserable.  So I had myself convinced maybe this is what I had.  Then Thursday David woke up with a fever.  His fever broke in just a few hours and by the next day he was feeling pretty okay.  I was feeling completely miserable for about 3 days with body aches, nostrils inflamed (the amount of snot being produced was insane- I went through 2 LARGE boxes of tissue in 3 days) and headaches.  By day 4 I was feeling much better.  I was completely better within 5 days and David was better within just 2.  David also claims his symptoms were not that bad.  He also felt it was just a cold or the flu.  The following week Wednesday David was supposed to take Theo to Kids camp in Devils Lake.  David was going to be a counselor there for the 3 night stay.  I decided that David should “take one for the team” and go get a rapid COVID test done before he leaves- just to be safe.  When we got the POSITIVE test we were both floored.  Theo was sad to miss out on this camp experience but the fact that he had been around us- it just wasn’t going to happen this year.  

Nearly a week after my symptoms passed a new one began.  I couldn’t taste anything for 2 days.  I also couldn’t smell.  The smell lasted far longer then the taste.  I couldn’t smell ANYTHING for like a month and I still can’t smell everything.  I can’t smell certain things like the stinky bathroom (which I’m grateful for) but other things to like some of my oils are very subtle  smells that used to be much stronger.  I never realized how much as a mom I used my sense of smell.  Laundry, dishes, kids hygiene, refrigerator spoils, cooking, etc.  I feel lucky in that this is really the only remaining side effect that I have experienced.  Some people complain of not ever receiving their full taste back.  That would be awful because I love food.  

Many people have asked if the kids got sick.  The kids both got tested and those tests came back negative.  Neither of them exhibited any symptoms of COVID either.  Theo did get sick about 6 weeks later with a stomach bug but the doctor said this would not be considered a “close contact” since it was such a long time ago that COVID was in our house.  We still had him tested (because school was going to start soon) and that test came back negative.  I’d like to say that the kids will “never get COVID” because they haven’t thus far but I know better then to assume.  Never say never.  BE prepared.  I honestly wish that I had  taken a little better care of my physical, mental, and emotional self.   I let everything go because of grief.  The other thing I feel that could have helped me avoid this was if I had noticed my decline in self and how tired I was- and just decided to stay home for a while – not go on another trip surrounded by so many people.  Sometimes these things are actually what we need to feel stronger- surround ourself with people.  BUT I had this feeling of dread going into this trip.  Mostly because I was so exhausted from the last camping trip we had been on (that trip actually did feel like a healing for my soul since the loss of our dog had JUST occurred).  We had only a week off between the two camping trips.  In that week I had to wash all the bedding in the camper, clean the camper, get groceries, plan meals, etc. all while I was under a cloud of exhaustion and grief.  I wish I had payed more attention to what my body was saying.  I also wish I had taken and been more consistent with vitamins – c, Zinc, elderberry.  We started taking these vitamins when we got sick and now have just made it part of our daily routine.   I knew that we were bound to get sick sooner or later and now my body has a layer of protection that I’ll enjoy for some time.  I really can’t complain when others have it so much worse.  I learned a valuable lesson in “listening to your body”.  I also feel like it is SO SO important to eat right, get adequate sleep, exercise, take vitamins and be ready for when any virus attacks our home.

Have you had COVID?  What tipped you off that it was COVID and not the Flu?  Eager to hear about your experiences as well!