When You Feel Unseen; He See’s

One of my most painful memories is from my high school prom.  I wanted to go to prom SO bad.  I watched my brother go to prom 3 times and I had a twin sister I knew would have no problem catching a date.  I was a junior in high school and I knew I didn’t stand a chance of being asked.  I think people liked me.  That was always my mission anyhow. Get them to like you!  I think to an extent this thinking is okay.  Paul said “To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak.  I have become all things to all people that I might save some” 1 Corinthians 9:22

I did this ALL of the time though.  So much so that I neglected myself and became a doormat.  I started to elevate others and became entrenched in a gross lie.  I hated myself.  Hated!  Such a big word but very true.  I lost myself.  I did not see myself as God seen me.  My heart loved Jesus and simultaneously believed satan’s lie that I was a mistake.  

I remember it took all the courage I could muster to call a friend from church who I thought might pity me enough to agree to take me to prom.  Unfortunately he said no.  Said he didn’t want to go to prom, had no interest in prom.  Once again that lie I believed of myself grew.  Why would I think for a moment He’d take me?  He would not want to be seen by all of his friends taking me to prom.  Yeah I’m an idiot I thought.  It took weeks to brush this experience off.  Later that month I agreed to myself that I would try one more person.  This person also didn’t have many friends and certainly he’d be willing to be seen with me.  So after class one day I asked him.  “Would you take me, as friends?”  I was shocked when he said yes!

I was excited that I could finally be part of a BIG day like this.  I didn’t think this would actually be possible for me.  I was a chunky 200+ pound girl with red hair.  There was a sliver of me left that wanted to be/feel beautiful.  I couldn’t wait.  Was I excited about who I was attending with?  Honestly no.  We were friends but not close friends definitely this was going to be/feel awkward but I didn’t care.  I Noelle Dalen was going to prom!!  Eeeek!!!  I did all of the shopping with my sister and we did tanning, nails and hair- the whole gamut.  So fun.  Days before the actual prom I recieved a call from him.  He explained that he started dating someone and asked me if it was ok if he went with her?  I said sure.  The next day he apologized and said that he didn’t feel right about it.  He had made a promise to me and he will still take me.  Okay so I had a rollercoaster of emotions going into prom.

The day had arrived.  Despite the emotions earlier-I was very excited.  I got fancied up, we took all of the pictures.  It was great.  When we got to the grand march I realized that the girl he was seeing was there.  I was so confused.  We walked through grand march together and then he asked me if he could go find her.  I said sure.  Of course.  Go.  When we piled on the bus- I sat alone.  I sat alone most of the night at the dinner. I watched everyone dance.  I sat alone on the bus ride home.  It was probably one of the loneliest times of my life.  I felt like I didn’t exist.  People didn’t see me.  I was invisible.  

BUT GOD.  God uses EVERYTHING!  Is this a sad story?  YES.  BUT-it honestly helped shape who I am today!! That bis the beauty of it now. I will always remember the 200 lb, red head who walked around feeling invisible to the world.  AND I have made it my mission that NO ONE ever feels invisible!  My life’s mission has been to shine Jesus and tell them the TRUTH about WHO they are in Him.   “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation.”  1 Peter 2:9.  I will teach my daughter to be the one who SEE’s that kid sitting alone.  I will teach my son to be the one who asks that lonely girl in the corner to dance.  It doesn’t take much. It just takes someone willing to SEE and maybe look a little DIFFERENT/ stand out.   I hope we can all teach our children these things because no one should feel unseen.

My husband learned about this very painful memory of mine years after we had been married.  In the recovery world they have several different events happening all of the time.  He was so sweet.  He heard there was going to be a Sober Adult Prom and he went all out.  The boutonniere’s, opening my car door, random pics-all of it!!   The actual prom was pretty lame- but we even laughed about all of that.  He’s my prince charming and I can look back now and say God had a plan even in my darkest of days.  

Do you know that God loves you SO much? Not 1 tear your cry is wasted! What a phenomenal thing to think about!!

“You have kept count of my tossing; put my tears in your bottle”. Psalm 56:8

Do not think for a moment you are a mistake.  That is an ugly lie!