Category: Grit

I have not posted for over a year. Yikes! The past year has been extremely busy. Those of you who have been here since the beginning know that David and I operate a ministry in Fargo (Redemption Road). The past couple of years have been so busy for our business. COVID did none of us a favor. Our ministry needs went up and our dollars went down. We have since done some house cleaning/restructuring of the business. We let go of our female house (for now) and our only staff is now David and myself. The board of directors decided to increase my pay (since I had already been juggling so much of our admin work). OH how money talks! The board intended the increase in my pay to be a way of saying thank-you for all you have done and continue to do. I however felt even MORE pressure to keep adding to my already long list of work duties. Its that performance/perfectionist in me. I cant help myself. How many of you can relate?

Last year was such a trying season for me. Life got busy and I had to decide what I COULD do and keep up with and what I could NOT do and NOT keep up with. I have shared before that our daughter was diagnosed with ADHD. Prior to having a daughter with ADHD I was of the mind-set that this was a bogus/made up disorder. We all have some level of ADHD- so I thought. Now having experience with a young child who has this disorder- you can’t convince me it isn’t COMPLETELY debilitating! SO many tears I’ve shed this past year over the impact this disorder has had on all of us. Personally its been challenging on a day to day basis as mom. Every day I give her medication I both hate and love myself for this. I hate that I’m giving her a stimulant that could become addictive and yet I love that it has helped her stay on task and focus- leading her to much greater success specifically in reading and math. This summer we kept her on the medication and had her continue math, reading and some piano. Over all we have had great success with her current medication plan. HOWEVER- this medicine only lasts about 5 maybe 6 hours. Nights and weekends have started become a nightmare for me.

Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE spending time with my daughter. I also LOVE her spunk and energy! Whats not great is that her mind is literally spinning a million miles an hour and she is CONSTANTLY seeking a rush of dopamine. For her this happens mostly when she gets something new (a toy, candy, makeup, etc) OR makes a mess with some sort of experiment or craft. EVERY DAY its “Mom what are we doing today?” “Mom can we go to target”, “Mom can we bake something”, “Mom can we go to hobby lobby”, “Mom can we go to Five Below”, “Mom can we go to Starbucks”, “Mom I’m SOOOO bored”, “Mom can I do something to earn some money?” AND this is just the tip of the iceberg. Because her brain moves SO fast- she does not think to – pickup her toys, flush the toilet, drain the bath tub, shut the door, put the milk away, turn the light off, brush her hair, shut the drawer, put her socks on….. the list goes on and on. Most of my days (in THIS season) are spent caring for, cleaning up after, reminding her (over and over) of simple tasks. Its mentally, physically, and emotionally draining. To put it simply- I’m tired. My daughter is a jewel and I wouldn’t trade her for the world. But I’m also exhausted. This one child takes as much effort as probably 4 or 5 Theo’s (my son).

Are you in the middle of a difficult season or situation? Do you feel tired, drained from the constant demands of work and/or children? Maybe your facing some other mental or physical challenge. Lets be encouraged together. The Bible verse the kids and I are memorizing this month is this: “Be STRONG and COURAGEOUS. Do NOT be afraid; do NOT be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9. We serve a God who cares. He does not sit idly by and watch us suffer. He is THERE and whether you feel Him or not is irrelevant. The fact is he is there and he never stops working on your behalf. I will leave you with this encouraging word from the Holy scripture: “I lift up my eyes to the mountains- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will NOT let your foot slip-he who watches over you will NOT slumber; indeed he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.” Psalms 121:1-4

How fickle our emotions can be.  One day- as adults that’s what we get.   One day to pout and whine.  The sad thing is I think kids get this better then we adults do.  Kids are over it within hours.  We carry around resentments and sorrow like its an accessory.  Its an ugly one for-sure!  You can not put these things on daily and not have it completely change the way you look and ultimately shape WHO you are.  As an adult I give myself one day.  Uno.  That’s it.  When the day is up – its time to put on my BIG girl pants and move on.  Paul says in Ephesians “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”  (Eph. 4:26,27)

This scripture’s overarching truth is this:  don’t let emotions fester and rule you.  

“This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” Psalm 118:2

Each day is a new day.  A fresh start.  We have the opportunity for CHANGE & GROWTH!   What a gift!! 

Three things we can do to help ourself out of the emotional sink hole:

1. Put pen to paper                                                                                                                       I find that when I’m able to vocalize how I’m feeling it really helps me to “vent” but it also helps me understand why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling.  When we put words to it that helps the mind comprehend why we’re feeling the way we are feeling.  It also helps us organize the many jumbled thoughts.  Lastly putting words to our feelings helps us know how to pray which leads me to my next point.

2.   Give it to God                                                                                                                   “Pray and Obey, its the only way”  that line is catchy but its also full of truth.  When we pray and give it to God he is faithful.  He cares about all the little things as much as the big things.

3. Last but not least- let it go!   

Aren’t you glad that God does not keep track of our sin/our mistakes?  Yet this is what we do with others.  We will say we’ve forgiven them but then we store it in our arsenal for another day.  Im guilty.  This is for me as much as the next person.  I’m so guilty.  

“So far as the East is from the West, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”  (Psalm 103:12)

I want to finish by adding that this blog is not for the person in grief or the person battling PTSD or other trauma.  Grief is so unique to each individual.  If your suffer from grief or trauma I would highly recommend reaching out to a licensed professional who can better help you.  This blog is for the everyday mom, daughter, sister who is holding on to daily crud.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  For example-  this last week I completely lost my…. At the time it started out as – “the dog is getting me up at ungodly hours in the morning and I’m EXHAUSTED.”  It quickly snowballed into “my husband doesn’t do anything and my kids don’t appreciate anything.”  You see if I had just started writing out my frustrations on paper, prayed, and let it go things would have not snowballed like they ended up snowballing last week.  I also  would have identified and focused on the main problem which was lack of sleep. 

The first cruise my husband and I ever went on was amazing.  However when we got off the ship we were both left speechless after a message on his phone was received.  A young man who was on our waiting list (for Redemption Road a recovery ministry my husband and I operate) was found deceased.  He had drank himself to death.  He was young.  VERY young.  We were devastated.  David blamed himself.  If only he had placed him somewhere before we had left on our trip.  The “if only” taunts us.  Doesn’t it always?  The unknowns.  “Could this be different if I had…”.

Fast forward to January 2020.  We took our first FAMILY cruise.  A Disney cruise.  It was magical.  SO. MUCH. FUN.  Every family should experience at least one Disney Cruise together!  It was great.  We were relieved when we got home.  No messages on our phone.  House was intact.  Everyone seemed stable and good.  Until we started to listen to the news.  Coronavirus is spreading over China and into other European countries.  It wasn’t until March however that we had the shutdown and kids were not welcomed back at school.  2020 broke us.  The kids grieved their friendships the most.  I can honestly say I had more bad days in 2020 then I had good days.  I cried a lot.  Do you have a favorite place you cry?  I like to cry in the shower, on the bathroom floor, in bed, and my car.  Those are the places I feel most able to let down my guard.   

“You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.”  Psalms 56:8

I can imagine that if I had to compare my tear measurements of 2020 to my tears of previous years.  2020 would most definitely take the cake by an overwhelming amount.  God never promised we wouldn’t face hard times.  Loneliness, financial crisis, grief, sickness, stress, etc.  In fact he warns us that we WILL.  “I have told you all of this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on Earth you WILL have MANY trials and sorrows.  But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33  

This year I’ve decided not to make a lot of goals.  I am making just two.  1.  Relinquish Control  (allow God space to work) and  2.  Quiet myself; so that I can hear from God. 

I don’t need to try and control EVERYTHING.  Most of it I have no control over anyhow.  This first goal will be my hardest.  I’m generally a control freak.  I’ve said before that goals need to be measurable.  So I will be checking in with my biggest cheerleader – my husband.  I also don’t want to miss what God wants to do here in the middle of the mess.  I know He is always up to something so I want to be in tune with what He is saying to me.  That’s why I plan to have a morning devotional time every day.  A time of prayer and scripture study.  

God’s promises are YES and AMEN.  He wins.  He always wins.  “Not for a minute was I forsaken” lyrics from a worship song called HERE AGAIN.  God will never leave us nor forsake us (this is a promise repeated throughout both the old and new testament).  When life seems chaotic and hope seems lost- remind yourself “GOD is with me”.  No; you can not do this but with God by your side you CAN.  

Do you know Him?  If you don’t I want to invite you to ask him into your heart, home and space.  Its as simple as confessing that you have sinned and acknowledging Jesus as your savior.  Then just ask him to be part of your life.  AND HE WILL!  He will hold you and keep track of those tears.  He will be your HELP.  Reach out with any comments or questions.  Especially if you prayed this prayer for the first time.  I have a special gift I’d love to send you and I’d love to help get you plugged into a small group or local church.

My Prayer for you all this Next Year:

“May the Lord Bless You and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you Peace”

(Numbers 6:24-26)

Many of you know that I used to be a children’s pastor.  My education was in family ministry and psychology.  When God brought our family to Fargo to start a ministry caring for men and women coming out of prison I thought He was crazy.  How could I go from one extreme to the other?  Quite literally; prior to this move I was an Early Childhood Pastor and Preschool teacher.  I ministered to the youngest most vulnerable people.  Although my heart for children has not decreased my heart for the addict has defiantly increased.  This post is something that has stirred in my heart as I think about what the addict has lacked in their life.  I have learned where there is great pain and hardship there is also great insights.  These characteristics are things that I have seen through working with BIG and small children.   They (the addicts we work with) are currently learning the very things that I am trying to currently teach/instill in my own children.  People who develop these characteristics are people who become successful, independent and ultimately happy individuals.

1. Humility

“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble” (Proverbs 3:34)

Humility says I can’t but God can.  It says “Anyone who wants to be first must be last” (Mark 9:35).  Humility sometimes is looked upon as the cowards way but its actually the opposite.   When I take my kids on bike rides I allow them to go first and I trail behind them.  I am able to steer the ship from behind and they are learning their way around our neighborhood.  If they make a wrong turn I can see it.  When we have family gathering meals (such as at Christmas) we are all eager to get in line to eat first.  Our stomachs direct us.  Most of us think “if Im first I’ll get the best or the most” or “if I’m last I’ll be left with the crumb’s”.  This is NOT how it works with God.  When we choose to be last we get the best.  If you think about it often times the people in the back of the line really do get the most or the best.  Sometimes its because new dishes appear or certain dishes needed time to “rest” before getting cut into so the juices are evenly distributed or because those who are last have freedom to take more.  You don’t have to look too far to inspire humility in your children. 

2.   Gratitude

Entitlement is the absence of gratitude.  When we learn to be grateful we are given much more.  The exact opposite happens as well.  When gratitude is absent our lives begin to look quite bleak.  We have seen individuals come through our ministry who come from very lucrative homes and those who have come from impoverished homes.  Money has nothing to do with happiness.  Happiness comes when we foster what we have and give God thanks for them.

One of the B attitudes that Jesus talks about in Matthew 5 is to “be poor in Spirit”.  I love how Bill Johnson (in the book Momentum) explains this attitude.  He says “Being poor in spirit is not being self-critical or condemning.  It is the continual realization that every blessing in our lives is entirely because of God’s grace.”  

Some practical ways that we teach our kids gratitude is:

• We thank God at meal times, in the morning, and before bed at night.  We thank him for everything from A-Z.  The big things such as our house and health.  As well as the small things like the ice cream we had, our bikes, a pet, etc.  Nothing is off limits when it comes to gratitude.

• We say thank you.  We speak it- All the time.  To everyone.  Everywhere we go.  It is our second language. Someone opens the door for us- “thank you”.  I give a child something they asked for ( for example: a drink of water)- what do you say?  “Thank You”.  Everywhere you go you say thank you!  

•   Express it.  “out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45).  When our hearts are filled with gratitude we can’t help but express it in word and deed.  My kids love to write or color pictures.  I myself am a giver.  I express my creativity through gift giving.  I love to think about what another person might enjoy or what might touch their heart/life.  It doesn’t have to be an expensive or big thing.  To be able to do things for others gives me great joy and honor.

3.  Respect

This is an attitude.  “R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me.”  You all know the queen of pop Aretha Franklin.  These words may sound sassy and thats exactly what respect is.  Its an attitude.  A mindset.  “Respect is to consider worthy of high regard.” -Webster Dictionary.

Everyone has a differing view on respect.  I probably would agree with most of them-to a degree.  The saying “respect is earned”.  If that is your philosophy I would challenge it slightly.  I do believe there is truth to that however I do take a slightly differing approach.  Respect is given until it is abused-is my philosophy (then it needs to be earned back).  Everyone deserves respect.  Everyone.  UNTIL they have abused it.  I won’t go too far down that rabbit trail.  Instead I’d like to focus on the fact that respect has been almost completely lost in our culture today.  I believe one of the biggest problems I’ve seen in our ministry to addicts is their lack of respect for authority or correction.  As parents we need to show our children that we have respect for those that God has placed in authority.  We display this through our mannerisms, words, and attitude.  We also display this through correction.  When we show our kids that we ourselves can and should receive correction then they also become more open to correction/discipline.  One example is when we are wrong asking for forgiveness.  AND then turning from that wrong action.  There have been many times that my temper has gotten the best of me and I have gone to my children and apologized.  The apology is just the first step in showing respect.  The correction (turning from) seals that respect. 

 I show respect by these steps: Giving my focus/attention, seeking forgiveness when I have wronged someone, correcting what was broken (whether inside me i.e. spiritual/emotional or something in the physical).   

Hebrews 12:11 says “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.  Respect is something we train ourselves to do.  It doesn’t always come naturally.  Are you a person open to correction?  That is the first step in teaching respect.

4.  Empathy

When my son was in preschool one of his teachers shared with us that Theo has so much compassion.  She proceeded to tell us that one day when it was time to get on the bus one of his fellow peers was having a tough day.  She was crying and did not want to get on the bus.  Theo walked over to her and extended his hand and proceeded to walk with her onto the bus.  He told her she was going to be okay, he was going to sit with her.  This did my mama heart wonders!  For all of the moments I felt like a failure of a mother this moment in time froze.  I must be doing something right.  Empathy.  Its something that is caught, not taught.  How do you practice empathy?  Do you ask God to give you a heart of compassion?  A heart to reach the lost and broken?  If you practice this- believe me; your children will catch it.  My daughter is not as compassionate as her brother.  We continue to pray that she will grow in her faith and that she will mimic the fathers heart.  This is another reason David and I are not shy about what we do.  We often share with the kids about the lost individuals we work with.  They see firsthand the work we do.  

5.  Kindness

Kindness is woven throughout all we do.  Kindness is part of who we are.  Its something that overflows from what we have in our hearts.  Some of the men and women we serve have a seed of bitterness in their soul that has taken root in their life.  When we hold onto the past or onto anger, it festers.  In the end it leads to destruction.  When we get our heart right kindness just flows.

6.  Generosity (selflessness)

In my opinion this is one of the hardest, if not THE hardest thing to teach children.  When I was an Early Childhood Pastor there was one room that I really didn’t care to work in.  The toddler room.  Toddlers are the epitome of the word selfish.  The world revolves around the toddler. “Mine, Me, and No” are a toddlers favorite words.  Its crazy to think this is exactly what I hear with many of our men and women at Redemption Road.  Everything is inner focused.  I’m not denying they have a lot of inner work to do.  Addiction is a disease and needs to be treated as such.  However I have learned through our work that the ones who find success have a pivotal moment where they choose to start looking outward.  They choose to look at the world in a more pluralistic way.  This is at the very heart of AA, NA, and Celebrate Recovery.  Life together.  The disease of addiction is one that happens in isolation.  When addicts recover, they recover together.  They focus on how they can use their life to bless another.  That’s when you know someone has done a 180.  They become generous with their time, money, and talent.

7.  Responsibility

In the book Momentum Bill Johnson says “Whenever the passion for pleasure is stronger than the passion for purpose and responsibility, there will always be a drain on resources, regardless of the size of the wealth or how it was obtained.”  

Jesus shares the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25.  At the end of the story Jesus says “whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance.  Whoever does not have will be taken from them.”  He goes onto say (verse 30) “And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”  

For the longest time when I read that last verse I always thought that was so harsh.  

James 2:17 says “In the same way, faith by itself, if its not accompanied by action, is dead.”  

Our deeds are not what save us don’t get me wrong “it is only through grace that we have been saved so that no man may boast”  Ephesians 2:8  However the fruit, the deeds, the action is PROOF of our salvation.  

When our men and women grasp the truth that their life has meaning and purpose.  We see great things begin to happen!

At home we use chore charts to help teach our kids responsibility.   My daughter is messy.  She’s such a free spirit and its beautiful but man its messy.  So many times I go into her bedroom and all I want to do is quickly pick up and clean it.  I can get it done fast and its the easy way out.  Making her clean takes much more will power on my end. 

One time this same little girl went to Walmart with me.  I was so impressed by how she acted in the store.  Once we got in the car I started to praise her and just as I was praising her for being so good I looked into the rear view mirror only to catch her eating fruit flavored tic tac’s.  I was in a big hurry but this, this was a teachable moment that I could not miss.  The easy thing to do would be to drive away and forget it ever happened.  I could have reasoned it away.  On the other hand how can I expect my child to become a person of integrity if I turn a blind eye to this?  We walked into the store and I asked for a store manager.  While they got the manager I shared with Lily that she will need to give the item back and say sorry.  She did just that through lots of tears.  Once back in the car I praised her for making amends for her mistake.  I let her know that we all make mistakes.  Its how we take responsibility for our mistakes that pleases or displeases God.  We also talked about how she can avoid this situation altogether in the future.    Mom and Dad: Don’t Take the Easy Way Out!  It may seem easy now but it will create utter chaos later.  Set your kids up for success which is also know as independence.  

8.  Tough (thick skin)

This was probably the hardest thing for me to learn personally.  When I left home I was weak.  I’ll admit it.  Ministry has really helped toughen me up (maybe too much).  Its important that when our kids fall we let them cry but then remind them to brush it off so they can get right back up and try again.  Thick skin is important to foster so that determination can grow.  

In closing

Everyday since my children were in the womb I have prayed this prayer over them:  “Lord I pray my children would grow in wisdom, stature, and in favor with you (God) and man.” (Luke 2:52) 

The verse just prior says “But his mother treasured these things in her heart.”  This scripture is in reference to Jesus developing in these area’s and his mother treasuring the moments big and small.  That’s how I want to live.  I want to live knowing that my kids will find their way.  They will become strong, independent, spiritual giants.  They can not do it without God or the guidance and correction of a parent.  

Do you guys remember DC Talk – “Jesus is still alright with me”?  Oh man I found the 90’s video on youtube and had a good laugh.  “Laughter is good medicine” (Proverbs 17:22) right?!  What a great stroll down memory lane.  Seriously though this is what I heard God whisper to me this week.  I may have flaws and I may be an emotional basket case right now but He is still alright with me!  Really- thats all that really matters.

I’ve had a rough week.  Emotionally.   So tough.  Week 3 of quarantine and I AM LOSING IT!  Like seriously losing it.  I have to say I could get used to the no makeup and pj’s all day though!  No but for real I feel like I have been on this emotional roller coaster.  At times I’m finding absolute delight in seeing my children accomplish an academic goal or even learning to play together.   The other day I was having a terrible time getting my son to do a certain school assignment and decided to give him the following days assignment instead.  The following day we came back to that assignment and he not only did the assignment but he went above and beyond- he enjoyed it and wanted to keep going.  It was such a proud moment for me (as the mom and now teacher).  At other times I’m on the floor literally weeping for what seems like the entire day!!  Maybe I’m falling into the trap of “unmet expectations” but lately I’ve been having these two major frustrations that seem to keep popping up.

1. Everywhere I look (social media mostly) all I see is JOY?!  WHAT??!!
2. The church (by the church I mean Christians) continually telling me that my emotions will lead me astray. 

These messages continue to make me feel even more isolated then I already am!  I feel so alone in my feelings.  Anyone else feel this way?

My goal in this post is not to debunk some of the truths that are certainly in Gods word!  Such as Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful.”  HOWEVER- God created us.  He created us as emotional creatures!  Jesus himself experienced great sorrow, anger, joy, and fear.  Look at King David.  How emotional was that guy?! All you have to do is read some Psalms and know that He was an emotional guy.

This week I reached out to a couple of people because I was really needing some encouragement.  I did not get what my heart was longing for which was comforting words, companionship, encouragement.  I received the messages (and this is my interpretation by the way) that I am over-reacting, that I need to have more faith.  You know “faith over fear”.  Here is the thing about fear- it is as REAL as the coffee I’m drinking this morning!  Although I do know that the enemy uses fear I also believe strongly that God uses fear.  Take for instance your child gets sick with 103/104 temp.. High temp!  What emotion will that produce?  Its likely to produce a lot of emotion but at the top of my list is fear.  Fear drives you to DO something.  Fear can go both ways.  It can also drive you to RETREAT; like the Israelites did when Moses first led them to what was the promised land (see end of the book of Numbers & beginning of the book of Deuteronomy) and generations paid a big price for this as they wondered the wilderness for 40 years.  Fear can also drive you to action!  The key to ruling our emotions is checking in with God himself.  Asking him- “God am I overreacting here?” “God will you help me to monitor my emotions”?  “God will you help me navigate these feelings?”

 What doesn’t help right now is all of the Christians screaming “FAITH over FEAR”.  Look thats just really not helpful right now.  Is it true?  Absolutely but there is a time and a place to share this.  Everyone is scared right now and for good reason.  If we pretend like that emotion is not real or it doesn’t matter we are lying to ourself and we are brushing real issues under the carpet.  Which is actually what the enemy also wants sometimes.  He wants us to cower in Fear- retreat.

Social media has been super tough for me to understand also.  Why is it that all we see are the fun happy family times?  Why doesn’t anyone capture the child throwing the tantrum on the floor or the 5 year old holding the dog hostage while mom is in the middle of “working out” or the dirty house or the fight that broke out with your husband because your sick of doing it all and you need SPACE?  These may or may not all be REAL examples (insert sarcasm laugh).  I just wish I seen some REALness out there.  I feel like a complete failure and just a big mess when I feel like I am the only one going through these emotions.

Below are some really good scripture verses that I have been pondering as I let my heart FEEL but also keep it in check with the Holy Spirit.

 “Above all else,  guard your heart, for EVERYTHING you DO flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” Psalm 51:10

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in Spirit” Psalm 34:18

The best thing you can do right now for yourself and your family is to set aside some time each day to pray and read your Bible.  Sometimes all the other voices can start to crowd out what God says.  I also want to encourage you that the two most important commandments that Jesus gives us start with the HEART:  “1.  Love the Lord your God with all Your HEART, with all your SOUL, and with all your MIND.  2.  Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-38).  

God is not shocked by your fear, anger, sadness, pain or heartbreak.  Your emotions matter to Him.  This season is life is tough.  I don’t think there is a single area of our life that COVID-19 has not affected in some way.   What we do with these emotions can become evil and you can let those things carry you to the depths of despair (like the Israelites for example) or you can rise up, put on the FULL ARMOR of GOD (Ephesians 6:10-20) and fight like the woman God has made you to be.   Lets not cower but lets use these emotions for Gods Glory.  Mama Bear you are not ALONE in your pain!!  I am here.  God is here.  We are right here with you!   

My prayer for you (Mama) this week is this: “may the peace of God , which surpasses all understanding , guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  (Philippians 4:7)

In this blog I want to be transparent about the goals that I have set this year.  I also feel like the Lord put a word on my heart that he’s going to continue to weave throughout my life this year.  I know sometimes goals seem counter intuitive to people.  Its this feeling that if I don’t succeed then what was the point in the first place?!   Actually I admit I thought this way for a number of years and then I realized I had just set my expectations AND my goals WAY too high.  Two things to keep in check when you are setting goals:

1.  Is this goal achievable/realistic?  I sat with a lady at a meeting the other day and her goal was to lose 15 lbs by the end of February.  I asked her how much she had lost since she’s been losing weight (about 4 months).  She admitted she has only lost 15 lbs in the 4 months.  I shared with her that her goal may not be realistic (based of history).  Don’t shoot for the moon.  

2.  Your Goal should be measurable and specific.  If it doesn’t have a number or a way to asses/measure then you won’t have a way to see the progress.  Also get specific- is it a weekly goal, monthly goal, etc.  Be as specific as possible so that you know exactly  what to expect and make a plan to achieve it.     

Here is the most important thing to keep in mind – goals are just a guide.  Don’t get discouraged if you didn’t meet it fully.  Did you progress?  Then give yourself some slack and celebrate the success not the fail part.  Goals can be re-written and many times need to be re-written!  Life get in the way!  My goals probably will change halfway through the year depending on what I have or have not accomplished.  Below are the goals I have set for 2020.  I do have plans for each goal which I did not go into.  Feel free to email or drop a question in the comments if you’d like some more details.  I will try to keep you all posted on how my goals are coming along.

1. Lose 20 lbs
2. Exercise 4 days a week with 1 class being dedicated to Strength Training
3. Save $200 each pay period
4. Save $75-$100 per month for car insurance
5. Read 15 book
6. Journal or blog at least 1x/week
7. Journal 1 sentence every day
8. Get away with David for our 10 year Anniversary (no kids, gotta take a plane)

The word I feel the Lord laid on my heart this year is BLOOM. I feel like I’m never quite content with where I’m at and God has told me countless times he has me right where he wants me. So my overarching goal this year is to dig in right where he has planted me and allow his work to bloom in my life!

“That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither- whatever they do prospers.” Psalms 1:3

This year I gave some extra thought and prayer to what my goals would be.   I; like most of you feel like a failure when I don’t achieve the goals so by February I find myself giving up on that “resolution”.  I hate calling them resolutions.  Goal is much more fitting.  The entire point of yearly goals isn’t to “resolve” but rather to “move the needle forward”.  Its so that I can live intentionally and not aimlessly.  This year I developed 8 goals. I also chose a word that I feel will highlight my overall goal for this year.  Those goals I will share with you in a later blog.  For now I would like to share 5 things I feel help keep me on track with my goals.  If you build these into your plan I guarantee you will see progress by the end of the year!

1. Clean Out the Closet/ Start Fresh

How many of you need a clean office before your able to start a project?  Yep thats what you need to do in whatever goal you set.  Start fresh.  Go get that new pen and new journal.  Clean out the cupboards.  If you really want to set your mind to something you need to have an inviting environment to do it in!

2.  Be Nice to Yourself

The negative self talk has to stop.  If all we do is constantly shame ourself or talk negatively then we are really in an uphill battle.  As women we can be so tough on ourself.  We are truly our worst critic.  As I have battled losing weight often I was so critical.  Even when I had a really good week and the scale showed it I would tell myself yeah but I could have done … better.  Or Id have a really emotional week and if I gained (even in the slightest) Id hoist all kinds of shame upon myself.  I believe I quit so many time because I was too hard on myself.  Id come to the conclusion that I simply can’t do this and I’m not good enough.  If you battle really bad with negative self-talk start with a simple activity.  Make yourself stand in the mirror each morning (or evening) and say one nice thing (out loud) to yourself.  

3.  Not Too Nice to Yourself

Notice I put be nice to yourself above (not too nice).  Being nice to yourself really is key however anything worth achieving is tough.  Don’t be so relaxed that your not being honest with yourself.  Its important to “keep it real” and be honest.  This leads me to my next point.

4.  Build in Accountability

We need to have someone in our life that we can share our goals with and know that they will hold us accountable.

5.  Assess Weekly or at most monthly

These last three points really work together.  If you don’t put pen to paper and really take an honest look and assess your goals weekly or monthly you will likely fall of the path you intended to go.

“Grit is a positive, non-cognitive trait based on an individuals perseverance of effort combined with the passion for a particular long-term goal or end state.  The perseverance of effort promotes the overcoming of obstacles or challenges that lie on the path to accomplishment and serves as a driving force in achievement realization.”  -Wikipedia

Grit.  Its a word I’ve come to love.  Its not always been in my vocabulary but once I became a mother this word moved me to action.  Thats what it is.  Its the action part of this blog.  It is not based on our logic.  It is “non-cognitive”.  Though this word may be new to us; the concept is not.  Jesus had the most grit of anyone who ever lived.  Even from the moment he was a child and had been found in the temple (after missing for 3 days) he proclaimed to his mother “didn’t you know I had to be in my fathers house?”  Luke 2:49  Jesus’ ministry was not like any other teaching at the time.  He was a rebel.  His disciples all flawed (in some way) and what we might see as “regular or normal” men.  His teachings often labeled by the pharisee’s and priest (teachers of the Jewish law) as criminal.  Jesus was in fact a rebel in his time.  He had grit.  He didn’t care what the culture said or what the “norm” was.  He was about getting down to business.  When you really stop and think about it too He only had 3 years to do the necessary work.  

This is exactly how we find grit.  We once again look at Jesus and try to be like him.  Grit comes from a place of deep seeded passion.  Passion is a natural occurrence that stems from a transformed heart.  A transformation in the heart comes from a transformed mind.  “Do not conform to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  THEN you will be able to test and approve what Gods will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2   Grit is an action, it comes after we have done the hard work in our mind, heart, and soul.  It is the part where we become his disciple and live out our walk.  It eventually becomes a natural response.  

The Grit portion of this blog will highlight something as simple as achieving a fitness goal and as serious as seeing a sinner come to Christ or a sick person made well.  Goals that I’ve personally achieved or goals that I have witnessed others achieve.  I have a feeling that this portion of the blog will be the most fun to write about!  What do you think about when you think of this word GRIT?